You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I smell stomach acid.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
