Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
