You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
