My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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