and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
