Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
