I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
