Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think i have two assholes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
