Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
