i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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