all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
