from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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