I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
