I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
