Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
