god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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