also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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