fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
