I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
