It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
