Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
