I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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