Non-Jews are for practice
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that's an acceptable place to lick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
