i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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