I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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