thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
