Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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