Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
