just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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