Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize