Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
