Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
