Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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