Just fell off a train. Bad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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