Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
