Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
