So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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