Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
