We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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