I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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