Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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