Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
