Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
