Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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