thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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