fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
