If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
