So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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