If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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