I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
smell my finger.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
