The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
