Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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