Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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