that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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