Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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