There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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