I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
